"The romance of modern commerce, George!" my uncle would say, rubbing
his hands together and drawing in air through his teeth. "The romance of
modern commerce, eh? Conquest. Province by province. Like sogers."
We subjugated England and Wales; we rolled over the Cheviots with a
special adaptation containing eleven per cent. of absolute alcohol;
"Tono-Bungay: Thistle Brand." We also had the Fog poster adapted to a
kilted Briton in a misty Highland scene.
Under the shadow of our great leading line we were presently taking
subsidiary specialties into action; "Tono-Bungay Hair Stimulant" was
our first supplement. Then came "Concentrated Tono-Bungay" for the
eyes. That didn't go, but we had a considerable success with the Hair
Stimulant. We broached the subject, I remember, in a little catechism
beginning: "Why does the hair fall out? Because the follicles are
fagged. What are the follicles?..." So it went on to the climax that
the Hair Stimulant contained all "The essential principles of that most
reviving tonic, Tono-Bungay, together with an emollient and nutritious
oil derived from crude Neat's Foot Oil by a process of refinement,
separation and deodorization.
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