"Flutters" lead to the Gutters.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED OTHERWISE.
_Married Vicar_, "WELL, MY BISHOP WAS VERY PARTICULAR WITH _ME_. AMONG
OTHER THINGS, HE ASKED ME, BEFORE PRESENTING ME, _WHETHER MY WIFE WAS
A LADY_!"
_His Curate_ (_reflectively_). "I CAN _QUITE_ UNDERSTAND _THAT_!"]
* * * * *
THE WAY THEY HAVE IN THE ARMY.
(_A CONVERSATION--PURELY IMAGINARY._)
SCENE--_Pall Mall. Present, SECRETARY OF STATE and Military
Adviser._
_Mil. A._ I want to know your ideas about the Autumn Manoeuvres. Are
we to have any this year?
_Sec. of S._ (_with a melancholy smile_). That depends upon
circumstances not entirely under my control.
_Mil. A._ Oh, yes; I know. But Governments may come and Governments
may go, but the State flows on for ever. Whatever _you_ commence
_they_ will have to carry out.
_Sec. of S._ Can we have these Manoeuvres without expense?
_Mil. A._ Well, scarcely. For instance, there is the ammunition.
_Sec. of S._ Oh, we can get over that! Every soldier, when he is
supposed to fire, can say, "Bang!" or words to that effect. We might
add the direction to the new Provisional Drill-Book.
_Mil.
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