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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Three Men in a Boat"

We had just commenced the third
course - the bread and jam - when a gentleman in shirt-sleeves and a
short pipe came along, and wanted to know if we knew that we were
trespassing. We said we hadn't given the matter sufficient consideration
as yet to enable us to arrive at a definite conclusion on that point, but
that, if he assured us on his word as a gentleman that we WERE
trespassing, we would, without further hesitation, believe it.
He gave us the required assurance, and we thanked him, but he still hung
about, and seemed to be dissatisfied, so we asked him if there was
anything further that we could do for him; and Harris, who is of a chummy
disposition, offered him a bit of bread and jam.
I fancy he must have belonged to some society sworn to abstain from bread
and jam; for he declined it quite gruffly, as if he were vexed at being
tempted with it, and he added that it was his duty to turn us off.
Harris said that if it was a duty it ought to be done, and asked the man
what was his idea with regard to the best means for accomplishing it.
Harris is what you would call a well-made man of about number one size,
and looks hard and bony, and the man measured him up and down, and said
he would go and consult his master, and then come back and chuck us both
into the river.


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