"Burns states," says the Clerk, "that tread-mill will do,
For two months, if the culprit's convicted by two."
"Two months and two magistrates: I sit alone.
Well, Clerk, we must _halve_ it--commit him for _one_."
* * * * *
HUDSON AND HIS PIGS.
The following is extracted from a recent American (private) letter:--
Hudson, who is a general dealer, purchased a cottage, to which pertained
amongst other _furniture_ a sty. As this was of course uninhabited, his
first care was to supply it with inmates, and, having purchased a couple of
fine pigs, he set off homewards with his bargains comfortably lodged in his
cart. Upon arriving at Buenos Ayres, a part of the harness broke, down went
the cart, and out shot Hudson and his bristly companions backwards; but
unfortunately falling upon one of the poor animals, he crushed him to
death. This was bad, Hudson looked blank, as who does not upon perceiving
Dame Fortune playing him foul? and woeful was it indeed to witness death
amongst his live stock; in this dilemma however, his wits did not utterly
forsake him, and concluding that if he could make the animal bleed, it
would probably be marketable and not prove a _dead_ loss, he proceeded to
act on this prudent supposition, and immediately cut its throat; which
sanguinary act so alarmed the companion pig, that taking to his heels, he
instantly made off (like his swinish brethren of old) towards the sea.
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