While rejoicing
in each other's presence, and the angels of eternal love were singing
before you, you were farther apart than two exiles at either end of the
earth. Look at her, but be silent. Thou hast still one night to see her,
if thy sobs do not awaken her."
Little by little, my thoughts mounted and became more somber until I
recoiled in terror.
"To do evil! Such was the role imposed upon me by Providence! I, to do
evil! I, to whom my conscience, even in the midst of my wildest follies,
said that I was good! I, whom a pitiless destiny was dragging swiftly
toward the abyss and whom a secret horror unceasingly warned of the awful
fate to come! I, who, if I had shed blood with these hands, could yet
repeat that my heart was not guilty; that I was deceived, that it was not
I who did it, but my destiny, my evil genius, some unknown being who
dwelt within me, but who was not born there! I, do evil! For six months I
had been engaged in that task, not a day had passed that I had not worked
at that impious occupation, and I had at that moment the proof before my
eyes. The man who had loved Brigitte, who had offended her, then insulted
her, then abandoned her, only to take her back again, trembling with
fear, beset with suspicion, finally thrown on that bed of sorrow, where
she now lay extended, was I!"
I beat my breast, and, although looking at her, I could not believe it.
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