Then, struck with a
mortal chill, the heart, as though impaired by oblivion, seeks to escape
into a new birth; it demands life of that which environs it, it eagerly
drinks in the air; but it finds round about only its own chimeras which
have just animated its failing powers and which, self-created, surround
it like pitiless specters.
This can not last long. Tired of uncertainty, I resolved to resort to a
test that would discover the truth.
I ordered post horses for ten in the evening. We had hired a calash and I
gave direction that all should be ready at the hour indicated. At the
same time I asked that nothing be said to Madame Pierson. Smith came to
dinner; at the table I affected unusual cheerfulness, and without a word
about my plans, I turned the conversation to our journey. I would
renounce all idea of going away, I said, if I thought Brigitte did not
care to go; I was so well satisfied with Paris that I asked nothing
better than to remain as long as she pleased. I made much of all the
pleasures of the city; I spoke of the balls, the theaters, of the many
opportunities for diversion on every hand. In short, since we were happy,
I did not see why we should make a change; and I did not think of going
away at present.
I was expecting her to insist that we carry out our plan of going to
Geneva, and was not disappointed. However, she insisted but feebly; but,
after a few words, I pretended to yield, and then changing the subject, I
spoke of other things, as though it was all settled.
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