I began by indifference; I was soon to grow malignant.
"It is true," I said, "that they speak evil of your nocturnal excursions.
Are you sure that they are wrong? Has nothing happened in those romantic
grottoes and by-paths in the forest? Have you never accepted the arm of
an unknown as you accepted mine? Was it merely charity that served as
your divinity in that beautiful temple of verdure that you visited so
bravely?"
Brigitte's glance when I adopted this tone, I shall never forget; I
shuddered at it myself. "But, bah," I thought, "she would do the same
thing my other mistress did, she would point me out as a ridiculous fool,
and I would pay for it all in the eyes of the public."
Between the man who doubts and the man who denies, there is only a step.
All philosophy is related to atheism. After having told Brigitte that I
suspected her past conduct, I began to regard it with real suspicion.
I came to imagine that Brigitte was deceiving me, she, who never left me
at any hour of the day; I sometimes planned long absences in order to
test her, as I supposed; but in truth, it was only to give myself some
excuse for suspicion and mockery. And then I took pleasure in observing
that I had outgrown my foolish jealousy, which was the same as saying,
that I no longer esteemed her highly enough to be jealous of her.
At first, I kept such thoughts to myself, but soon found pleasure in
revealing them to Brigitte.
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