She drew from
the bundle a certain letter which she showed me, the date of which was
recent; I could not help blushing as I found in it the confirmation of
all she had said; she assured me that she pardoned me, and exacted a
promise that in the future I would promptly tell her of any cause I might
have to suspect her. Our treaty was sealed with a kiss, and when I left
her we had both forgotten that M. de Dalens ever existed.
CHAPTER II
A KIND of stagnant inertia, tempered with bitter joy, is characteristic
of debauchery. It is the sequence of a life of caprice, where nothing is
regulated according to the needs of the body, but everything according to
the fantasy of the mind and one must be always ready to obey the behests
of the other. Youth and will can resist excess; but nature silently
avenges herself, and the day when she decides to repair her forces, the
will struggles to retard her work and abuses her anew.
Finding about him, then, all the objects that were able to tempt him the
evening before, the man who is incapable of enjoying them, looks down at
them with a smile of disgust. At the same time, the objects which excite
his desire are never attained with sangfroid; all that the debauchee
loves, he takes violent possession of; his life is a fever; his organs,
in order to search the depths of joy, are forced to avail themselves of
the stimulant of fermented liquors, and sleepless nights; in the days of
ennui and of idleness, he feels more keenly than other men the disparity
between his impotence and his temptations, and, in order to resist the
latter, pride must come to his aid and make him believe that he disdains
them.
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