I thought over all the various occupations
and wondered which one I should choose. I turned them all over, one after
another, in my mind, and then not feeling inclined to any of them I
allowed my thoughts to wander. Suddenly it seemed to me that I felt the
earth move and that a secret invisible force was slowly dragging me into
space and becoming tangible to my senses; I saw it mount into the sky; I
seemed to be on a ship; the poplar near my window resembled a mast; I
arose, stretched out my arms, and cried:
"It is little enough to be a passenger for one day on this ship floating
through space; it is little enough to be a man, a black point on that
ship; I will be a man but not any particular kind of man."
Such was the first vow that, at the age of fourteen, I pronounced in the
face of nature, and since then I have tried to do nothing except in
obedience to my father, never being able to overcome my repugnance.
I was therefore free, not through indolence but by choice; loving,
moreover, all that God had made and very little that man had made. Of
life I knew nothing but love, of the world only my mistress, and I did
not care to know anything more. So falling in love upon leaving college I
sincerely believed that it was for life and every other thought
disappeared.
My life was sedentary. I was accustomed to pass the day with my mistress;
my greatest pleasure was to lead her through the fields on beautiful
summer days, the sight of nature in her splendor having ever been for me
the most powerful incentive to love.
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