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Harte, Bret, 1836-1902

"Two Men of Sandy Bar; a drama"

"--"Ged, madam,"--I said, "delighted, proud; but
why?"--"Because," she said, "you come in with the--er--oysters."--
No! Ged, pardon me--ridiculous mistake! I mean--er--"you come in
with the--er--flowers, and go before the--er--fruits."
Miss Mary. Ah, colonel! I appreciate her disappointment. Let us
hope, however, that some day you may find that happy woman who will
be able to keep you through the whole dinner and the whole season,
until December and the ices!
Starbottle. Ged! excellent! Capital! (seriously.) Miss Mary!
(Suddenly inflating his chest, striking attitude, and gazing on
MISS MARY with languishing eyes.) There is--er such a woman!
Miss Mary (aside). What can he mean?
Starbottle (taking seat beside her). Allow me, Miss Mary, a few
moments of confidential--er--confidential disclosure. To-day is,
as you are aware--the day on which, according to--er--agreement
between parties, my friend and client, Mr. Morton, sen.,--formally
accepts his prodigal son. It is my--er--duty to state that--er--
the gentleman who has for the past year occupied that position has
behaved with great discretion, and--er--fulfilled his part of the--
er--agreement. But it would--er--appear that there has been a--er--
slight delusion regarding the identity of that prodigal,--a
delusion shared by all the parties except, perhaps, myself. I have
to prepare you for a shock. The gentleman whom you have recently
known as Alexander Morton, jun.


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