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Butler, Ellis Parker, 1869-1937

"Pigs is Pigs"

Wud you wish to pay ut?"
"Pay-- Cabbages-- !" gasped Mr. Morehouse. "Do you mean to say that two
little guinea-pigs--"
"Eight!" said Flannery. "Papa an' mamma an' the six childer. Eight!"
For answer Mr. Morehouse slammed the door in Flannery's face. Flannery
looked at the door reproachfully.
"I take ut the con-sign-y don't want to pay for thim kebbages," he said.
"If I know signs of refusal, the con-sign-y refuses to pay for wan dang
kebbage leaf an' be hanged to me!"
Mr. Morgan, the head of the Tariff Department, consulted the president of
the Interurban Express Company regarding guinea-pigs, as to whether they
were pigs or not pigs. The president was inclined to treat the matter
lightly.
"What is the rate on pigs and on pets?" he asked.
"Pigs thirty cents, pets twenty-five," said Morgan.
"Then of course guinea-pigs are pigs," said the president.
"Yes," agreed Morgan, "I look at it that way, too. A thing that can come
under two rates is naturally due to be classed as the higher. But are
guinea-pigs, pigs? Aren't they rabbits?"
"Come to think of it," said the president, "I believe they are more like
rabbits.


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